Japtman's Neural Net

Live life "Islamically"!

2006-04-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

Read these so that you would live your life "Islamically"...

http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/cat.pl?c=Worldly+Possessions

Some excepts....

Say goodbye to TV!:
http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=8602

Q: Under Islam, TV is not condoned. What are the thoughts on watching the
Al-Jazeera network broadcasts, since it is a Muslim station?

A: TV of any network broadcast is not permissible. That includes al-Jazeera
TV.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

HEHEHAHAHAHA! DVD, Boss DVD! :
http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=9911

Q: There is no copyright law in my country. Is it permissible for us to use
pirated softwares, as they are widely available throught the country and our
goverment doesn't have any objection on it. Further can we download evaluation versions and then crack them ? (emphasis mine -Japtman)

A:
1. It is permissible to use pirated software but morally incorrect from an
Islamic point of view.
2. Could you be more specific with your second query? Also what is the need
to crack them? (Hahaha!)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Muhammad Kadwa FATWA DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

THIS IS THE KICKER!!!!
http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=7168

Q: I am a male who collects panties. Is this haram?
I am a single man
who collects panties. I don't wear them, but I buy new ones for the collection.
Is this fetish of mine haram?

A: The practice is absolutely Haraam. If you have desires for women then
you should get married. The collection of panties to give vent to your desires
is unnatural and a major sin. You should abstain from such a practice.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

HAHAHAHAHA! WHOEVER HE IS, I LOVE THAT JOKER!!!!!

To BLASPHEME is A RIGHT!

2006-02-08T18:02:00.001-08:00

"Not a day passes, in Europe and elsewhere, when radical imams aren't preaching hatred in their mosques. They call Jews and Christians inferior, and we say they're just exercising their freedom of speech. When will the Europeans realize that the Islamists don't allow their critics the same right? After the West prostrates itself, they'll be more than happy to say that Allah has made the infidels spineless." - Hirsi Ali “The protests in the Middle East have proven that the cartoonist was right,” said Tarek Fatah, a director of the Muslim Canadian Congress. “It's falling straight into that trap of being depicted as a violent people and proving the point that, yes, we are.” - Globe and Mail

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CRITICIZE AND BLASPHEME TO MY HEART'S CONTENT AS YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO PROCLAIM "FREEDOM GO TO HELL". HOW IRONIC IS IT THAT THE MAN DEPICTED BELOW IS PROTECTED BY THE VERY FREEDOMS HE SO ABHORS.

DOES HE KNOW THAT ISLAM IS THE RELIGION OF PEACE?

I WONDER... WOULD I BE ACCORDED THE SAME RIGHT IF I WERE IN PALESTINE, IRAN OR INDONESIA AND I CARRIED THE "SUPPORT DENMARK" SIGN ABOVE? RIGHT SCHRIGHT... I'D BE HANGED OUTRIGHT.

THIS TRULY IS A DANGEROUS TIME...

Isturyang kataw-anan

2005-12-21T00:00:00.001-08:00

For those who do not know the Noble Tongue of the South, kalu-oy pud nimo dong... pauli ug kaon dukut. Maski unsaon, mas kataw-anan jud ang jok nga Bisaya...

Jeep puno kaayo ug karga na-flat ang ligid.
Lalaki ngadto sa drayber: Noy, flat lagi na imong ligid!
Drayber: natural ra na dong, bug-at gud ug karga. Flat gani nang imong ilong nga kugmo ray gidala!

***************

Teacher : Class use euthanasia in a sentence.

Jose : Mam si Maria dili na virgin kay naeuthan na sia

***************

I thought im sad until i saw a man without both arms shaking his shoulders happily. I asked why he's happy. He replied "Dili ko hapi! Katol akong itlog dili nako makalot!

***************

Pasyente: Dok, ngano man ni nga kong malibang ko naa may plima?
Doktor:Ok lang na sya. Ang delikado kong inig sikma nimo naay tae!

***************

GF: Lab, gutom ko
BF: unsa man imo gusto?
GF: tagnaa!
BF:burger?
GF: layo ra!
BF: hotdog?
GF: duol na!
BF: itlog?
GF: hapit na!
BF: otan?
GF: makalagot! wrong spelling!

***************

Manag-uyab nagkuyog sulod sa sinehan.
babaye: Lab, lihok kaayo akong tapad.
lalaki: ah...pasagdahi lang na.
babaye: pero lab, murag nag l*-** man ni siya.
lalaki: hah? balhin tag lingkod.
babaye: kadali lang lab, gigamit pa ako kamot!

***************

Anak: Nay, nay, gidugo na lagi ko o.
Inahan: Aber, unsa may kolor kuno.
Anak: Mora man ug brown Nay?
Inahan: Uy paghilom kang bayota ka. Hala panghugas kay igit na.

***************

Pedro: Ma si Ate gigakos iyang uyab!
Mama: Ok ra na dong oy!
Pedro: gikissan ma!
Mama: Ok ra gihapon na.
Pedro: gi komot toot ma!
Mama: Ok ra lagi na.
Pedro: hala! gi fing** ma!
Mama: Piste! naay ots dili gamiton!

***************

Wife: Paliti kog bra ga bi.
Bana: Ka gamay nimog toot mag bra paka?
Wife: ikaw lagi magbrief gamay man kag ots!?

***************

GF: Sweet, nganong lami kaman modala, mora ug may bulitas ang imong kuan?
BF: Dili man ni bulitas Day oy!
GF: Unsa man diay na?
BF: Kalunggo!

***************

Rapist: Hala cge Hubo..!!!!
Babaye: Dili ko! kay gi Minst ko..!!
Rapist: Hala Talikod..!!
Babaye: Ayaw malooy ka.!!!.... gi almoranas ko..
Rapist: Litse....hala nganga ayaw ko ingna na gi tonsil ka..!!!

***************

Duha ka langaw nagtung2x babaw sa tae

Langaw1: Taysa kadali ngutot sa ko! uh! dah!

Langaw2: Oplok jud!.. Pagka way batasan! kita na siyang nanga-on pata! Amaw!

***************

LALAKE: Miss, papalita ko ug condom.
TINDERA: Ali dong, atong isukod.
LALAKE: Miss, nganong lu-ag man ni?
TINDERA: Wa diay ka kahibaw mao nay uso karon? HIPHOP!

***************

Asawa: Labs dili man masulod ang imoha. Butangi ug oil.
Bana: Wala may Oil day, kini nalang tuno sa lubi.
Asawa: Karon pako maka tilaw ug o**n nga tinuno-an

***************

American Diplomat Scolding his Boholana maid:
AMERICAN: You "IDIOT"!
MAID: Adjawg saba sir, unja na ta inig lakaw ni maam mag IDJOT!

GHAK GHAK GHAK GHAK!!!

We Repiar

2005-12-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

...also repiar Er Con, Electrect & Gas Stoob.

Viva B-Boy Alulod!

Not2x!! Inom taaaa!!!

2005-11-22T01:08:00.002-08:00

...and get piss assed drunkkk!!!

Online Bullshit #17: Assorted Bullshit

2005-11-22T01:08:00.000-08:00

Got one for human kids?

Romantic Fly-boy.

This is an ad with a subliminal message. See if you can spot what is it (it isn't just the suggestive slogan, Laid by the Best)...

See it?

Look at it upside-down....

Now you get it...

For the finale, another ticket to hell...

A Compendium of Homer-isms

2005-11-21T18:18:00.000-08:00

Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!
Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
You don't win friends with salad.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
They have the Internet on computers now?
Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Do I know what rhetorical means?
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done. (munch munch munch)
And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am.
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
God cannot be EVERYWHERE, right? ( Homer as Adam in a dream ).
Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
To be loved, you have to be nice to others EVERYDAY!. To be hated, you don't have to do squat. ( advice to Mr.Burns ).
Does whisky count as beer?
Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
God bless those pagans.
Marge, your paintings look like the things they look like.
What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden." ( giving a lecture on marriage ).
Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat!
Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems.
I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
I hope I didn't brain my damage.
I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming.
I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.
I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.
Lisa, stop that racket! I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy. I think I'll need a bigger drill.
Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.
Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy.
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me. 'Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss. 'Number three, 'it was like that when I got here'.
Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?
Nacho, nacho man. I want to be a nacho man.
Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!
If god didn't want me to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.
I felt a surge of power, like god must feel, when he's holding a gun.
I know what is going on here. They did it to Jesus. Now they are doing it to me. Marge : Are you comparing yourself to our Lord? Homer : Only in bowling ability.
Marge, are we Jewish? Marge: No, Homer. Homer: Wo-hooo!
Bart : Gee ... Sorry for being born. Homer : I've been waiting for so long to hear that.
Hey Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.
Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.
Bart : I am through with working. Working is for chumps. Homer : Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Lisa : It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV. Homer : Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television!
Homer : Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy. Marge : What's that? Homer : [thinks] A dinosaur.
God : Thou hast forsaken My Church! Homer : Uh, kind-of ... b-but ... God : But what? Homer : I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? God : [pause] Hmm ... You've got a point there.
I will live to be 42. Oh, only 42 ?!? I won't even live to see my children die.
Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!
Marge : Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer : Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.
Burns : And this must be ... (reading card) little Brat. Bart : Bart. Homer : Don’t correct the man, Brat.
Marge : This is terrible! How will the kids get home? Homer : I dunno. The Internet?
Marge : This should be a time ... for communication. Homer : That's a good idea, dear. Bart, turn on the TV.
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!
But I'm not a missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus! [Seconds later] Save me Jebus!
Without TV, it is hard to know when one day ends and another begins.

Points to Ponder (ala Readers's Digest)...

2005-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Drawing Conclusions

2005-11-06T19:01:00.001-08:00

Ooooooohhhh... Finger lickin' good!

Office Lazing for Dummies

2005-11-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Mark D. for this one :D... Ooooh... X marks the spot...

More Blasphemy

2005-10-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

Another Jesus joke... (Good Lord, it's the internet's fault!)

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1.He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Forgive me Lord for have sinned again... Charles pray for me...

Oh Lord, I can't help it... I need Father Merrin...

Another Personality Test

2005-10-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

Remember the Piggy drawing test? This one purports to be able to unravel your personality. What's more, it claims to have been made by my weekend drinking buddy, His Holiness the Dalai Lama or Kundun. After a bout of brain-cell-killing-and-liver-destroying binge with our favorite local brew, Red Horse, Kundun denied ever making up something like this, speaking in his drunknen Tibetan drawl... Well, whatever each one of us believes, it's always fun do do these kind of tests....

PERSONALITY TEST

The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you. Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING
THE TEST!!

A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.

Give an answer for each item. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your
preference.

Cow
Tiger
Sheep
Horse
Pig

Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea

Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.)

Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green

Finally, write down your favourite number and your favourite day of the week....

Finished?

Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT. Look at the interpretations below:
(To read, prolong right click and drag over the text)

>>>Start here<<<
This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER Tiger Signifies PRIDE Sheep Signifies LOVE Horse Signifies FAMILY Pig Signifies MONEY.

Your description of dog implies your own personality. Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner. Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of the sea implies your own life.

Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

You have to send this message to as many persons as your favourite number and your wish will come true on your favorite day. This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium-just take a few seconds to read it and think. Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating. SEND THIS E-MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE
PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE 0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly 5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking 9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks 15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you have always dreamed will take shape.

Let's see now... I wished for world peace. Let's see what happens in friday...

Kundun said he has been wishing for a long time that China would leave Tibet... Yeah, good luck with that...

Now, I have nothing to do with the above paragraph about e-mailing it. Maybe Kundun has, though he denied it. As you might have already guessed, I got this from my own yahoo inbox. Well, I'm not exactly sending it through e-mail to everyone I know, but people are still gonna read it here. If you wanna copy and send it, go ahead. Cyberspace is free... sorta.

Ciao for now and happy sending.

You Thought You Knew Insane? You Do Not Know Insane...

2005-10-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

This journal relates a story so disgusting, it makes me retch just thinking about it... The Roommate From Hell... I keep thinking about my days in dormitories back in university and how blessed I was with great roomies... I could stand a little mess, even that manly guy across the hall who has kleptomaniac tendencies (He's was the Vacuum Cleaner of Porn, that guy. Every scrap of smut tends to end up in his room). These and many things are expected of co-habitation. Except this one. I don't think Joe's Apartment could compete. I won't dare putting up photos of this here since the author did a very good job of photographing and describing for posterity the horror of an "insane" roomie...

To quote his lament:

"I knew there would be some mess. Statik told me a few days ago that there was
poo on the edge of her bed. I thought that it was actually the chocolate pudding
that I gave her. No, no, it was poo. Of course, none of us knew what was in
store for us..."

Remember to read first then view the horror... here.

Online Bullshit #16: Movies In 30 Seconds, and Re-enacted by Bunnies

2005-10-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be great to have ALL movies encapsulated in 30 seconds? Then we wouldn't have to sit through characters narrating what hell they've been through and in the process sending you to sleep. In thirty seconds, we'd get to see what we wanted to see. Blood, gore or sex in 30 seconds. We'd know whether the film is totally worth the money you've paid to view it. In the words of MTV's beloved icons of genius, it'd be like:

Butthead: "So Beavis, uhuhhuhuh... what happened in The
Highlander?"

Beavis: "This immortal bad guy hostaged the immortal good
guy's girlfriend, see. So, the good guy comes to the rescue and *katching!*
*clang!**krunk!**shwick!.. he cut the bad guy's head off! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ehehehheheheh"

Butthead: "Uhuhuhuhhuh... That movie rules! But is there
like... sex and stuff?"

Some examples (click to view):

Though this movie totally rules in its original form, I absolutely love seeing the Kurgan and MacLeod duke it out again this time in just 30 seconds. Beavis and Butthead loves it too, even if bunnies are involved. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

This classic does have it's dull moments. Now, no more. Kill! Kill! KIIIILLL! HERE'S JOHNNY!!!

If you've seen the Director's Cut as I have, you know how loooooooooong it gets before we get to see the battle between Merrin and the demon Pazuzu. Now we get to the green vomit much faster... THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!

I just thought how moronic Gone in 60 Seconds becomes, when the film lasts half as long as the premise...

Click here for more Movies in 30 Seconds, Re-enacted by Bunnies...

The Wild World of Sports

2005-10-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

Feel the excitement, the passion, the frenzy, the ooohs and aaaaahs.... as well as the oooops!

"Are wedgies part of Aussie rules football, mate?"

"Dios mio! That toro was loco!"

"My poor Pitito! That was a close one!"

"You be sacked motha... UUUUURRRRRKKK!"

"For Suva! Reach for the ball!"

"Pa-pisil naman, pre..."

"AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH!"

Having a reverse knee is an advantage...

Itchy and scratchy

"Help me with this wedgie, will you?"

I bet this is Pinoy Midgetball

"You're not Jewish. I can tell."

"I told you don't touch the ball, idiot!"

"Those are mine, asshole!"

"Mmmm, gotta get me some of those..."

"Ayy caramba! Little Pitito got the fright of his little life!"

Høgh: "Don't get too excited guys, it's my turn next!"

Monocycle tennis: the sport of the new millenium.

Sumo Snowmobile Slalom: another one for the new millenium

Now this one just cracks me up hehehe...

Flexibility and strength. What more could you ask for?

That's what I'm talkin' about! Boot up the ass!

Busst a leg!

Hingis: too hot or perhaps too cold... ice cold...

"Dancesport ain't for sissies. It's a real man's sport...."

"....and so is Cheerleading!"

Moonie!

"Ahh. Jewish."

"Are you wearing a tanga?"

"Nice buns man, do you work out?" Now that's the gayest thing I ever said...

To offset the gay remarks above, I decided to post this: Gioco del Calcio Italiano per sempre! Dovete amare quelle sfere! (Italian Football forever! You gotta love those balls!)

Another one of those hybrid sports: Track and Archery. The archer gets points by shooting as many sprinters as he can, while the sprinter tries reach the finish line without dying...

This hybrid sport is called Bulletball. The shooter fires a shot at the batter and the batter tries to defend himself with an iron bat... Well, this batter tried to anyway.

I know this shouldn't be in the sports gallery but I just gotta include this. He's so cute, funny and hideous all at the same time...

Well, that's all for today folks. There are many more of these pics, but I wouldn't want to bore you with gratuitous showings of butts and birdies. But don't fret, you can be sure I'll do a MacArthur and shall return. Ciao and au revoir!

Online Bullshit #15: Airtoons

2005-09-29T21:39:00.000-07:00

After a month-long hiatus sleeping under a rock, Japtman is back. So what's new, world? Is Gloria in or out? Well, I dunno anymore... I've developed an aversion to watching the friggin news...

"We are the middle children of history, raised by television to believe that someday we'll be Millionaires and Movie Stars and Rock Stars, but we won't. And we're just learning this fact. So don't fuck with us." - Tyler Durden

Remember that line? That's the most poignant line from Chuck Palahiuk's Fight Club, which reflects the state of dissilusionment of the common working man.

I am one of those proletarians. (No you're not...) Yes I am! (I said, No you're not!) Yes I am! Shut up!

Dissilusionment is catching up with me... (Yeah, I told you altruism is dead) No it isn't! We all must belive in the inherent nobility within mankind... (Really? Why is it then that you strain to look for a dead body in any car accident, and feel regret for not seeing it, hmm?) Okay, okay... we all have our dark sides, and mine's catching up with me. But I'm working at it you see... Soon I would be leaving all this dissillusionment behind for the greener pastures of Uncle Sam. For a change I will do good for myself and my family. It seems all my efforts at altruism have been naught in this country. I am beginning to feel that whatever good I do will only be drowned out by the inherent corruption in the system... (I always said let the fuckers be, I am your only friend) It hurts me to leave this shithole of a country that I love, but should I pay the price when it won't love me back?

Alright Psycho, calm down.... Let's keep it light shall we?

Back to continuing the Online Bullshit series.... The 15th right? Here we go:

Just like in the movie Fight Club, where they exchanged those standard passenger briefing cards that instruct what to do in case of an air emergency (where the drawings look so benign) with more "realistic" ones that show the characters panicking in a real crashing airplane, what we have below is something to that effect but a bit more hilarious:

Some more over here.

Pope Jokes and other Blasphemies

2005-08-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Popemobile

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: " The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

- Courtesy of Puhjeh Villarta

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'”.

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

A Jew Made It

A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and the future. "What position do you see yourself in a couple years from now?" asked the Rabbi to the Priest. "Well, actually, I’m next in line for the Monsignor’s job," replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" ask the Rabbi. "Well, I could become Arch-Bishop," said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, if I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it’s possible to become a full Bishop" said the Priest. "Okay, then what?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest, beginning to be a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get frustrated, but replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I’m in the right place at the right time and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope." "Yes, and then what?" continued the Rabbi. "Good grief!" shouted the Priest, "What do you expect me to become, God?" "Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Passion of the Christ Bloopers... more here

The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples.

Judas is seated nearby.

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world – ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who’s on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!

Crucifixion Scene

Jesus: My God! Why have you – [Caviezel is struck by lightning.]

Off Camera: Cut!

Reminds me of "Wonderful". Right JRN?

Stay cool baby... Just don't fuck with me, aight?

The Official Jesus Website

The Winking Jesus

Online Bullshit #14: Chinglish and Engrish

2005-08-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

China poeple good English write. Chinglish is call us English. Also god English are Japans. Japan English is Engrish call. Better we than Filippin Engilsh soon. Ours will be big joyfulness. To see is very many below:

First happy Firippin English type to see you, we laugh, because funny kinds:

Say this Philipins sell Gays. In China, Gays are shoot. Chairman Mao unlike them.

American movie they like into reastaurant turn.

In China everything we eatbut in Philipins eat Europens. We vomit.

We not understand this. Not English but say they is bad. But funny is person reching to asshole!

Philipins government moving like tractor slow. Greatly funny.

Many sex in Philipins very bad.

Many say evil this is. Not English but grate funny say they.

Speling bad also.

Holy drugs are in Philipins.

Admonishment is also put in eathing place.

Now happy turn is Japans and Chinese:

Always good admonishmnet to foreigner.

In English saying: "Good things come to those who wail".

Is against baby shit and piss.

Many say like Master Yoda. I not understand. No in Chinese history see Master Yoda.

Spare part is delicius.

Obey always law of Chairman Mao.

This find in Japans. Dispensing good life style.

Japans somtimes unruly. But English also learn.

Confuse man is not in China with woman. Always happy sign.

They say this with laghter. I do not understand.

Explosion is sound Crap! Crap! Crap! Joyful firecracker!

Japans is funny. How made tea no water?

Must keep vomit in bag in bus. Bag good useful traveling.

We friendly to Earth. Recycle is happy for all.

English translate is great for foreiner.

Law is good for happiness.

Trash is evil must be trash away.

Be pity for your ass.

Dessication is evil must be pervert.

Not in Japans or China see. In Greek is pathetic.

Japans funny. Nut hotel.

Shampo is god.

This sandwich many vitamins inside.

Admonition for watching mind bumping on top.

Mental tools evil for use on pan.

Chinese food is good.

Animal companion is unwelcone in hotel.

Sea animal is Crap? Like explosion? I confuse.

Not for animal companion also.

Sausage good.

Always we respect for ground parents.

Admonition is good to apologize.

God is barber.

Hair wild slime is good for handsome.

Fukk is my shopping friend also.

Change friend here.

Dumpling stuffed with the ovary and digestive glands of a crab and Acid Food. Food is choice many happy.

Hapiness is deformed man.

Bar is happy.

Also explosion? I not understand.

Conditioned air good.

Hapiness is fox.

Explosion of music from western musician good.

Admonition is good in Thailand.

Car rectal for happy travel.

Drown is evil

Dying after clean is good. Always thanks for your corporation.

American tell me wher Beavis is. I not understand.

Born chicken very good.

Jean is good for your ass and mine too.

Bewaring of people is good. Pervert crime.

See many good English? Hapniness is great. Many are found this site and this. Also pleas say where you find more? Ok Ok?

Pig Drawing Test

2005-08-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

DON'T CHEAT!

Draw a pig. Yes, that's right. On a blank piece of paper draw a pig. Just draw what comes naturally. Then scroll down and read the Interpretation of your pig!!

Draw your pig first! Don't look at the next part until you are done!

It won't be fun if you look first!

Now if you're done... start to scroll down.....

DONT CHEAT!! DRAW THE FRIGGIN' PIG ALREADY!!

Highlight the text below to to read the results. To highlight, prolong right click and drag down.

The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the drawer.

If the pig is drawn:

Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.

Toward the middle, you are a realist.

Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.

Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates. (birthdays, etc.)

Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates.

Facing front (looking at you), you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.

With few details, you are emotional and naive, you care little for details and are a risk-taker.

With less than 4 legs showing, you are insecure or are living through a period of major change.

With 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. The bigger the better.

The length of the tail indicates the quality of your love life!!!! (And again more is better!)

OK, who didn't draw a tail?

The Great Raid

2005-08-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

People who know me also know that I am a movie and World War II history nut. My high school yearbook even describes me as "Nazi Boy". Ach, Nein! Go figure. (Atty. Azela A. our editor wrote that, I think... hey, I didn't even get my baby pictures back!) So when something like Saving Private Ryan, Bridge on the River Kwai, Kelly's Heroes or Band of Brothers come along, you can be sure I'd snatch it up (heads up Pirates of Quiapo!).

Then comes comes The Great Raid. How can I resist? A movie about the famous raid on the notorious Cabanatuan POW camp... Brilliant! I've been wanting to see that on film, but with reservations of course, knowing how Hollywood loves historical embellishments and propensity for inserting non-existent love stories. Ben Affleck's Pearl Harbor anyone? I'd rather have Tora, Tora, Tora!

We Pinoys know what The Great Raid is, unless you've been living under a rock somewhere in Babuyan Island. Aside from billing Cesar Montano as Captain Juan Pajota the Guerilla leader, the movie is of interest to us because it is an interesting (to say the least) part our history that is seldom, if ever, taught in history class. Personally, being a WW II nut, I'm interested on how the facts of the raid on the POW camp in Cabanatuan in late January, 1945 is presented on film. I'm itching to see if proper kudos are due the Alamo Scouts and Filipino Guerillas of their role in the rescue.

A little history: In late January, 1945, Lt. Col. Henry Mucci and Capt. Robert Prince of the 6th Ranger Battalion were tasked to rescue the POWS held in Cabanatuan from their Japanese captors. It is feared, and rightly so, that the Japanese would rather execute the prisoners than release them when liberation became imminent. Thus, with 120+ Rangers they joined forces with the knowlegeable Captain Juan Pajota and Eduardo Joson of the Filipino Guerillas. Together, they executed the most successful rescue mission in American military history with over 500+ rescued at the cost of 2 American dead. In my opinion, this achievement exceeds that of the rescue at Entebbe by the Israelis.

Lt. Col. Henry Mucci and Capt. Robert Prince

Capt. Juan Pajota and the Filipino Guerillas

Top: U.S. Rangers on the way to Cabanatuan rescue. Bottom: Capt. Pajota's Guerillas on their way to Cabu Bridge.

It's a great relief that the movie WORKS! It's a no frills (almost) presentation that wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell at the box office. It's almost un-hollywood-like. Yet, that's the best thing about this movie. No sugarcoating of the Japanese roles here. The nut in me was largely satisfied. I say largely but not wholly, though. My main gripe is the love story subplot played by Manila Underground leader Margaret Utinsky and the historically non-existent Major Gibson. It lessens the heroism of the real life Margaret Utinsky (played by my favorite tall and beautiful Danish actress Connie Nielsen) or "Miss U" as she was called by the Manila Underground. She was responsible for smuggling medicines to the POWs in Cabanatuan, not out of love for a POW, but for all their sakes. I think the reason for this very contrived and ludicrous subplot is to draw the ladies in who might have come to see this film only at the insistence of their menfolk, when they'd rather watch Must Love Dogs or Herbie: Fully Loaded.

I say, if Hollywood bigwigs insist on a love story, they should have used the remarkable true story of Claire Phillips, the lounge singer turned spy. Trapped in Manila at the outbreak of the war with a daughter to support, and a POW husband, she changed her identity and posed as an Italian citizen. She opened "Club Tsubaki" in Manila during the occupation, which catered to Japanese officers. Driven by a desire to help the Allies and, perhaps more so, to save the man she loved, she used her club to spy on the occupiers. Using the alias “High-Pockets,” Claire passed intelligence to the Philippine guerrillas. Her true story merits a movie of it's own (which there was: I Was An American Spy made in 1951) and would tie in quite nicely with Miss U's story.

Claire Phillips and the Tsubaki Club

As for my two cents on the movie, I think they did a great job. But, I wish they should have stressed even more on the importance of the Filipinos, both Guerilla and civilian. To ensure the rescue could be executed, Juan Pajota's Guerilla unit held off an entire division of about a thousand Imperial Japanese Army troops and destroyed 10 tanks (only 1 tank was seen in the movie). While not belittling the American achievements, the Rangers in comparison fought about 300 Japanese and NO TANKS (the movie showed one inside the POW camp). In the event of Pajota's failure, the Japanese with their tanks would surely catch up and overwhelm the 120+ Rangers burdened with the weakened POWs. It was the Filipino civilians who provided the carabao carts and helped evacuate the prisoners towards the American lines.

Perhaps the most satisfying part of the movie which appealed much to the nut in me, was the actual footages taken of the rescue shown at the end. It showed the beaming and quite unbelieving faces of the weakened men, the simple happiness at finally being to taste cigarettes and the joy of seeing their brothers-in-arms cheer them on. Finally, best of all, was to see their final homecoming and seeing them embrace their loved ones, after three long years of believing that they have been left behind and forgotten...

It's true, they have been left behind, but they were never forgotten.

Top: Rescued POWs using carabao cars to carry their weakened comrades. Bottom: After three long years... Freedom!

The POW camp in Cabanatuan today.

P.S.: I hope they'll get around to finally produce Fertig. The story of Wendell Fertig's Guerillas in Mindanao.

Online Bullshit #13: Comic Comics: Joker's Boner, Superman is a Dick and Batman is Gay.

2005-08-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

Comicbook Superheroes being comic... (Note that these are actual and unphotoshopped comicbooks... which even makes it even better :D)

1) The Joker's Boner

Watch out Rocco, the "Italian Stallion"!

2. Superman being the Dick that he is:

Just a plain Dick...

"Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Heil Uberman!"

Superman is not only a dick, he's a sadist... look how pleased he looks holding that ice cool water in front of dying Jimmy's face... classic!

Apparently, Batman's a dick, too...

Why? They're both dicks that's why...

Superman looks so happy when committing cold-blooded murder... on Lois no less (this is just one of many, by the way)

Why? Because dicks shouldn't wear masks.

"No installment basis, Chump!"

Need I elaborate?

He even hates his dog... Swifty, watch out! If he gets tired of you...

Who can resist a super-powered psycho rapist?

Like father, like son...

He's one cold dad... Blame Jor-el for that!

Now these are my favorites... not necessarily superdickery, just plain wierd...

Bzzz... Bzzz? Ants don't buzz....

WTF?

3. Batman is Gay?

I think everybody suspects it... Here's the proof!

It came from the mouth of the Dark Knight himself!

Red? Don't be ashamed to call "Pink" for what it is!

"Gay" had a different meaning back in the day... But, nevertheless....

"Superman! What are you doing here? Does this mean...."

OMG!!! Superman wears his underpants out for a reason! This is WRONG... so VERY WRONG! CAN'T ANYBODY SAVE THIS CHILD!?

More Superdickery here...

Check Out This Hot Chick Guys!!!

2005-07-27T02:34:00.000-07:00

Check out who this hot babe is! Click on the pic!

Smokin Hott!

;D

Relieve Stress: Torture Your Boss Now!!!!

2005-07-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

"GROVEL BEFORE ME, WORTHLESS SLAVE!!!
YOU SHALL FEEL NEVERENDING PAIN AND EVELASTING ANGUISH!!!
HEED ME OR I WILL TEAR YOUR SOUL APART!!!
I AM YOUR GOD NOW!!!"

Are those the words of... Satan? Or your BOSS?

Is he (or she) the living and breathing demon incarnate? Made your life the living hell that it is? Then strike back now!!!

Get medieval on his ass!

Work-Related Stress Tip: Remember to unleash your pent-up anger with each stroke of torture you inflict. It relieves stress, I'm telling you... Examples:

Burn his eyeballs with the cigarette and jeer: "TAKE THAT MOTHERF**KER!!!" or to that effect.
Bring in your co-workers! Take turns torturing your boss, it's more fun that way.
Be creative! Feel the hate swell in you. Feel the power of the dark side!

Now, if you REALLY, REALLY hate your boss, show him what you've done... And do the real thing! I DARE YOU! Hahahahaha!!! >:D

Online Bullshit #12: Not Safe for Work Videos

2005-07-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

1) Here's to reaching the big "O"... hypnotically...

WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK! TURN DOWN YOUR VOLUME!

"OOOOOOOO!"

It's a shame UP doesn't teach that in psych... Sayang!

WE WANT HYPNO-ORGASM 101!

2) The Money Shot: "Come Baby, I'm Ready..."

Again heed my warning if you don't wanna get caught by the boss...

A wise parting word from Master Con-Fused-Tzu: Always hit what you're aiming at... OK?

The Horrors of Porn: Edward Penishands

2005-07-22T00:55:00.000-07:00

Remember Tim Burton's classic movie Edward Scissorhands? It was the sad story of a man who had scissors for hands who only wanted to fit in... only to find how cruel society can be to those who are different...

Edward Scissorhands

I know you remember... Yeah, that movie really tugged at our heartsrings...

There something else that's gonna tug at your strings... strings not connected to your heart...

From the annals of Porn Infamy comes..... TADAAAAAA!

EDWARD PENISHANDS!!!!

Who else but the twisted minds in the Porn Industry could create such a masterpiece... They are geniuses in their own way!

Edward Scissor and Penis Hands

One of our obvious questions would be: "How could they eat?" Well, look for yourself...

GODALMIGHTY!!! Imagine eating with dickhands! Mmmm... Finger lickin' good! Yechh!

I think we all share Edward Penishands' explosion of joy for this movie... World culture has been given a boost!

Look out! Gooey rain!

Since we are still in the subject of dicks, we'll finish with this...

Hehehe... Hasta la Vista...

Mga Pa-Cute: Pucca and MashiMaro Episodes

2005-07-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

Pucca Love? MashiMaro? If I were a chick, I'd probably have a t-shirt or a bag with their image on 'em... What I got was an alarm clock with MashiMaro's face in it which I bought to buzz me awake in the mornings for work.

Come to think of it, I never seen any of these online cartoons... Now normally, red blooded males would rather be caught dead than caught watching these things, especially anything with "Love", "Pink", "Cute", "Hello" or "Kitty" in the title, right? Only the kikays (or kikoys for that matter hehehehe) watch. But, like the cat that I am, curiosity got a hold of me.

Verdict (shudder)?... it really isn't all that bad... It's not overly cutesy as to be liked only by prepubescent girls, especially the barumbado MashiMaro smashing a beer bottle on a Koreanovela star's head (I recognize her from our korea-saturated TV; I dunno her name though... I bet it's Kim or Park or something... :D ... see Special: Winter below). I like the little bugger's attitude... Anyway, you be the judge...

All Mashimaro Episodes (with character intros), or here (fullscreen)

Not a good picture... It's got "Love" in it...

By Episode (fullscreen):

Episode 1: Fishing
Episode 2: Picnic
Episode 3: Moon
Episode 4: Melancholy
Episode 5: Present
Episode 6: Action
Episode 7: Battle
Special: Winter (definitely my favorite...)
Parody 2
Parody 3

Pucca Love Episodes

Gnyaaahhh... "Love"!

P.S. God, I hope I'm not turning Pink....

Online Bullshit #11: "The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami"

2005-07-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

To date, I haven't found any "Otin Art" paintings, Puje, but I think this qualifies as "Penis or Otin Performance Art". I have found two Aussie blokes performing "The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami" for a living. It looks exactly like the image you get in your mind's eye... penis origami: to twist and fold your penis into other shapes. Yep, its a venerable art form allright. Understandably, I couldn't get any real photos of them doing their thing, but they do have a website. This has to be way up there among the world's freakiest jobs.

During their shows, Simon Morley and David Friend (the Aussie Penis Superheroes) dressed only in socks, sneakers and superhero capes (of course), treat their enthralled audiences with their uncanny abilities of manipulating their privates into the Eiffel Tower, a sea anemone, a squirrel, a hamburger (wha??...), the Loch Ness Monster and "many, many, more" for over an hour... That hour will live forever in their nightmares...

Of course moralists are angered and scared stiff (no pun intended). Practitioners of this "art" are called genital origamists... Now, try putting that in your job resumé.

The Aussie Master Manipulators

A penis joke I found:

For the Management:

I, Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor;
I work at great depths;
I plunge head first into everything I do;
I do not get weekends off or public holidays;
I work in a damp environment;
I don't get paid overtime;
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;
I work in high temperatures;
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight;
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period;
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas;
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working;
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift;
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing;
You'll retire well before reaching 65;
You're unable to work double shifts;
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management
Penis can now add: I am forced by management to work as a contortionist against my will.

Online Bullshit #10: Vagina Art

2005-07-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

Here's a formula for Online Bullshit:

(Art + http://www + Vaginas) x (stupidity) = Vagina Paintings

Of course (slap forehead)!

Note that these are not paintings OF vaginas but paintings made WITH a vagina (what's wrong with the other one?)... We get the Vagina Monologues, but this? Are we witness to the flowering (pun! pun! :D) of a new New Renaissance?

We quote...

To make my paintings, I apply acrylic paint around my vagina and then press it against a canvas panel. Because of this unique process, each of my paintings is
truly a one of a kind work of art. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback about my paintings from eBay bidders and buyers. Thank you all - I really really appreciate it!
Most questions I get have to do specifically with how I make my vagina paintings. Here is an idea of my process: I use pre-primed canvas panels and acrylic paints. Lying on my back and using brushes of different sizes, I apply the paint around my shaved vagina and onto my inner thighs in whatever pattern and colors strike me. Once I get the paint on the way I like it, I lift my legs up and spread them open as wide as I can. Then I press the canvas panel against my vagina and the painted area around it, transferring the paint to the canvas...

God Bless America!

This puts to shame Jackson Pollock!

Now, in the sprit of Beavis and Butthead, Dick Art anyone? Just don't forget to wash up, unless you like colored pubes and infection and stuff...

Toby ain't dead after all...

2005-07-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

It seems like its a joke after all... Now Toby's going to die on Nov. 6, 2006. This time it's not money that can save the little bugger, but the sales of Save Toby the book... Oh well, it could have been more interesting to see rabbit stew on the net... The sissies...

Is Toby The Bunny Going To Die?

2005-06-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tobey the Bunny: Hostage

Tomorrow, June 30, 2005 (July 1 here in the Pinas), Toby the cute bunny you see above will be killed and eaten. But he will be saved if a total of $ 50,000(!) is deposited into his owner's account. As I am posting this (1:50 p.m. in the Pinas), the account balance reads $ 28,372.15... Looks like Toby is doomed... Read all about it (as well as the hate mails and threats) here...

I couldn't decide whether to congratulate or to curse Toby's unnamed owner. Or laugh at the hoax. Should he (or she) be congratulated for coming up with this rather creative money-making venture or should he/she be sued for extortion? For me and perhaps for the majority who knows of this, would consider this an 'emotional' extortion in its most creative (and may I add heartless) kind. And if this is a hoax (which I'm sure it is), it's really in poor taste.

This is a twist of what I like to call the North Korea Gambit. North Korea gains favours, food and aid money from the West by threatening to develop nuclear weapons: "We'll make nukes unless you give us money". In this case: "I'll eat the bunny unless you give me money"... How callous is that? Needless to say, animal lovers are fuming mad...

I don't know if Toby will meet his death tomorrow or not, but one thing is for sure... A lot of money is going to be made regardless... Even if it was a hoax... What's next? Save Mike the Chicken? Crazy world indeed...

P.S. A crazy thought occured to me. What if in the fate of Toby hangs the balance of the Final Apocalypse? ...an innocent put to death with the apathy of all.... HEHEHEHEHE!!!

The Ugh! Brothers Gallery

2005-06-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

Bro! Look what I can do!

Way ahead of you, bro...

**********************************************

Something stinks 'round here, bro...

Yeah! I think it comes from up there...

We Is Educated Too...

2005-06-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

"SHHHH... SHHHCOO... SHHHCOOOL... Hey Chico, I think you got it wrong man... There should be a 'K' there somewhere..."

Online Bullshit # 9: Hey Babe! Check Out This Sucker!

2005-06-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

Why do blondes fall for such suckers?...

View movie

Blondes will be blondes, so they say...

;D

Online Bullshit # 8: Optical Illusion For Your Dirty Mind

2005-06-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the picture and what do you see?

How obvious was it? A couple doing the lovey-dovey right? Right... But then again, the message in French translates to "message of love of the dolphins"... Dolphins? Dolphins?! Where?! *squint* *squint* *squint*...

Research has shown that little children cannot recognize the couple because they have no prior memory of such a scenario. What the innocent mind will see are nine dolphins...

If you couldn't see the dolphins within 3 seconds or can't see them at all, then your mind is irredeemably dirty, you perv... Nyehehehe...

Online Bullshit # 7: Star Wars Revenge of the Shit

2005-06-23T22:56:00.001-07:00

This one's funny... South Park/Alvin and the Chipmunks/ Star Wars crossover... 'cept with foul mouthed hamsters ...

You need Macromedia Flash to view this so get it first, mmmkay? Get it here...

Click on the pic or here to see the movie...

Enjoy!

Too Drunk...

2005-06-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

Doc,

Ang aftermath sa Mga Uhaw Pa's Camel hehehehe... :D

Basahin lang po sa Pilipino...

2005-06-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

B K W L K M G W
P R M S Y, T W K ........ H H H H
M S Y K N B ?
T W P ........H H H H H H H H
T M N, P R K N T NG !!!!!

Kasabot? Hehehehe....

RINGTONE NI ATE GLO

2005-06-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Here are the ringtones you want.... you know what I mean... :D

HELLO GARCI? GET MY RINGTONE NA! ANG SAYA SAYA NOH???

Hello Garci MP3 and Transcript

2005-06-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

You peeps probably have these already but if not, here are downloadable copies of the "Hello, Garci" tape given to Estrada lawyer Alan Paguia in MP3 format (sana may DVD noh? hehehe..) and you may download the complete transcript.

Just remember to keep an analytical, critical and cynical view of things... We must refuse to be under ANY puppet master's string... because this is all it is... to goad us into action through misinformation...

...Think before shouting, "Let's make baka! Don't be takot!" (kung conyo ka...)

Viva Philippines, Death to Dirty Politics!

JAPTMAN'S NEURAL WAP back online!

2005-06-21T03:20:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of continuing the Neural Net in our increasingly wired world, I have now brought back to life the WAP site that started it all: JAPTMAN'S NEURAL WAP!

To date, the only downloadables are 3 Sony Ericsson Themes. The Matrix Theme, Liverpool Theme and Real Madrid Theme (I'm a European football fan...) ALL FOR FREE! (Well, technically free 'coz you still have to pay the per KB rate of your network). Polyphonic ringtones and graphics soon to come... (I'm gonna post that 'Hello Garci' ringtone if I get it). You can also request for things to download too. Just give me a holler at the tagboard.

Just surf on to http://wap41.com/japtman on your WAP enabled SE cellphones. I advise using Smart and Sun because Globe blocks non-Globe WAPsites... "GLOBE: Making Possible Things Impossible" should be the tagline for it's new ad, the asswipes...

I'm making things straightforward this time for this WAPsite, unlike 2 years ago when WAP surfing was free. No more blinking icons and whatnots... It's all because of the per KB cost you gotta pay now (I think it's 25 cents per KB, am I right on this?). Lesser design pa-utot, lesser cost for the WAP surfer. Much to your favor really, who needs the design anyway right? It's the freebies that's important...

Around this time tomorow, there's gonna be a lot more in it so watch out...

Happy surfing y'all!!!

Online Bullshit (Not!) # 6: Mike the Headless Chicken

2005-06-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

Q: Why did the chicken ask for a raise?
A: Just to get a-head.

Q: Why did the chicken have to take "Anger Management Classes"?
A: He kept losing his head.

Q: What did the Queen say to Mike?
A: Off with his head!

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk! Lame-ass jokes that got no sense... Not if you know Mike the Headless Chicken!

Perhaps just like any jaded web pundit, my first thought was: 'Now that's another online bullshit right there'. I'm actually happy to say that this ain't bullshit at all. There really lived a rooster named Mike who lived an incredible 18 months after his head was cut off!

Like millions of his feathered cousins all over the world, Mike's fate was to become gastronomic delight for humans. Mike lived the normal fowl's life until that fateful Monday of September 10, 1945. His owner/executioner Lloyd Olsen was immensely confounded (wouldn't you be?) when after he lopped off the chicken's head, it continued to act as if nothing has happened. Yikes! If I was Olsen, I'd probably think "Chicken Zombie!" But as Resident Evil taught us, even zombies can't live without their heads, right?

Needless to say, Mike was spared from the cooking pot and became quite a celebrity... perhaps the most famous celebrity the sleepy town of Fruita, Colorado ever produced (tough luck you humans!) His fame, of course was a no brainer (pun intended ;D). Maybe cats have their 9 lives, but even they couldn't top Mike's charmed existence.

Sacre Bleu! Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction...

"Do The Chicken Dance... "

Earning $ 4,500 a month at the height of his popularity (not bad for a chicken in 1945-47), Mike was living the American Dream most of his ilk with heads couldn't even imagine; rubbing elbows with such eminent characters as the Two-Headed Calf (who has three heads more than Mike has) in carnival sideshows, and magazine features, among them the October 22, 1945 issue of Life Magazine. He was fed with a mixture of ground up grain and milk/water directly to his exoposed esophagus trough an eyedropper, a princely existence indeed! Even his death was reminiscent of his celebrity status... Choking in his own mucus (for a human celebrity perhaps the same as heroin overdose).

Mike contemplates his loss of face...

Mike and his executioner-turned-manager Lloyd Olsen during feeding time

Seriously, Mike's case is quite incredible. As you may already have read (here, and here, official website here (damn, this chicken even has his own site...)), Lloyd Olsen just missed severing the brain stem and jugular vein, leaving Mike "headless". Essentially, what Mike actually lost was his face. Think Nicholas Cage and John Travolta in Face Off... the chicken version...

Mike lived a charmed life (despite the fact that he died by an accident, not his fault really), a life the human inhabitants of Fruita, Colorado are honoring every May 20th and 21st... Mike's Festival!

To quote Publilius Syrus,

"Gain cannot be made without some other person's loss."

In this case, a chicken's...

P.S. Speaking of Chicken Zombies, now you can be one! Check this out! Now THIS is online bullshit! :D

Online Bullshit (and of the Real World Too) # 5: Wacko Jacko Beats It!

2005-06-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well... Armaggeddon certainly is coming, and I'm not talking about the Bruce Willis movie... Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson has been found 'not guilty' of molesting a 13-year old cancer survivor. If it ain't one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse then I dunno what is...

In a statement after his acquittal, Wacko Jacko says 'he'll be more careful from now on and not let children into his bed anymore because "it makes him vulnerable to false charges."' OK, that's something good ain't it? Not let children sleep in his bed ANYMORE? Jesus! Where's Ultrachrist when we need him?

Meanwhile, back in Neverland, the Smooth Criminal is bringin' down the house! AWWWWW!!! HEEHEEEE!!! (even my avatar is celebrating!)

YOU KNOW I'M BAD! I'M BAD! YOU KNOW IT!! AWWW!!!

I BEAT IT! MY WILLY IS FREE!

Do you like Jacko and wanna be like him? EXACTLY like him? Now you can BE Wacko Jacko himself!

NOW BEAT IT!

Postscript: Its called 'Gloriagate', thank you very much...'

2005-06-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Well, local media have dubbed this politcal moro-moro (ooops.. politically incorrect ba?), or zarzuela na lang as the 'Gloriagate' scandal. I just missed calling it exactly that from my last post about Nixon's Watergate Scandal (note the caps). I just called it 'CD-gate' and 'Jueteng-gate' (Damn! I should've thought of that Gloriagate bit first).

I'm still quite apathetic about all this mess (I hear: 'Apathetic daw o, eh bakit may DALAWA ka nang entries about it?'). Hehehe... I'm apathetic in the sense that everytime I hear or see some development about this case, I just couldn't help but roll my eyes and think: ALL OF YOU ARE GODDAMN LIARS! I mean, you really believe these bagmen/women (bagpersons?? :D), thugs by the very definition of the word, mind you, suddenly got a change of heart, got all patriotic-bleeding-heart-holier-than-thou on us and spill the beans on their alleged bosses, the masterminds of jueteng? Come on, people! What does it take for such unscrupulous people to make accusations like that? They won't risk their skins for nothing... Oh wait a minute, oh yes, the magic word is Immunity from Prosecution. Hey, perhaps when Ate Glo gets booted out they may get some booty, yeah? All of a sudden these characters come out of the woodwork pointing fingers, and all of them coming out as if in a predetermined sequence. It's kind of like dynamite wired on to the foundations of a building (ever watched National Geographic's Demolition Squad?). It takes correct timing and sequencing of detonations to properly bring down a building without collateral damage. After which, the rubble would be easily swept away and a new building could arise. The question now is whether the building would fall, or crush the Demolition Squad. :D

Then this wiretapping thing comes along. Wow! GMA cheated at the Polls! Boo Hoo! Merde! C'est Impossible! (pardon my French) Wait a minute! The elections were a year ago! If they were really loyal and upright citizens of this republic, they should have surfaced a long time ago. Why all this now?

Funny how patriotism comes just in time to serve some interests...

Not that I'm Pro-Pandak! She's still got to clear everything up. Dodging it ain't the answer. This country is about to boil over and silence would only heat things more. She must defuse the issues item by item convincingly, lest her legacy be forever tainted...

Well, I'm tired and am letting it go (for now)... Au Revoir!

Online Bullshit # 4: Boy Bastos sa Tate

2005-06-13T01:58:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko alam na nag-migrate na pala si Boy Bastos sa States...

Hehehe...

The Makings of a Pinoy Watergate Scandal

2005-06-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

Posted below are partial exerpts emailed to me of the alleged PGMA and COMELEC Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano wiretapped conversations that 'proves' the President did cheat on the May 2004 elections... These are excerpts mind you, and there is so much more material including First Gent Mike and Sen. Robert Barbers' involvement... I'd be flooding this blog if I'd post them all.

14. Conversation between Garci and PGMA on 29 09:43 hotel 2004
GMA : Hello
Garci: Hello Ma’am, good morning. Ok Ma’am, mas mataas ho siya pero Mag-compensate po sa Lanao yan.
GMA : So I will still lead by more than One M., overall?
Garci : More or less, but it is still an advantage Ma’am. Parang ganun din ang lalabas.
GMA : Oo, pero it will not be less than One M.?
Garci: Pipilitin ho natin yan. Pero as of the other day, 982.
GMA: Kaya nga eh.
Garci: And then, if we can get more in Lanao.
GMA: Hindi pa ba tapos?
Garci: Hindi pa ho, meron pa hong darating na seven municipalities.
GMA: Ah ok, ok
Garci: Sige po.

And so it goes...

Then there's the matter of Sandra Cam and her motley crew of 'whistleblowers', pointing their dirty paws at First Gent Fat Mike, Little Mikey and Bro Iggy (Hehe... very Mafia-esque). Jueteng payolas, they say, are fattening up the Arroyo boys... The opposition is having quite a jolly good time ain't it?...

All these tapes and illicit wealth brings to mind the Watergate Scandal of the 70's. Pres. Richard Nixon denied accusations in his now famous "I am not a crook" statement on Nov. 17, 1973:

Nixon's or GMA's?
"I have earned every cent. And in all of my years in public life I have never obstructed justice. People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook."
Would GMAs denial be in the same vein? Not in Nixon's exact words, but you can bet your sweet ass it would! Richard Nixon was brought down by incriminating tapes (albeit not wiretapped ones) and profiting from public office and he was eventually forced to step down in the face of overwhelming evidence. In GMA's case, I don't know if such overwhelming evidence against her exists just yet. It's still a matter of conjecture whether those tapes were spliced or not. But I guess we know the opposition's strategy in this 'CD-gate' and 'Jueteng-gate' muckraking: to rile the public up so much to stage another 'people power' coup... an EDSA 4. The opposition would love the irony of it all: to topple their arch-enemy in the same way they were toppled. Such revenge would be soooo sweeeet!

Funny how we get to enumerate the number of EDSA revolts. Perhaps a time will come many years from now when we ask our grandchildren: "Apo, ano ba tong nasa balita? EDSA 11 na ba to?", and they will answer: "Hinde, Lolo. Last year yung EDSA 11. EDSA 12 na yan..."

The problem is that the opposition doesn't have the percieved legitimacy to actually succeed her Presidency. Who would succeed her is she were to step down? First in line would be the Vice-President, but Loren Legrada would certainly be bitching over it. Bring back Erap? Fat chance! FPJ? He's wormfood. Susan Roces??? Who? Who? WHO???

WHOOO???!?! IN THE NAME OF GOD, WHOOOO???!?!?!

A food for thought from the Macchiavelli's The Prince (or for politicos, The Holy Bible)
"Hence it is to be remarked that, in seizing a state, the usurper ought to examine closely into all those injuries which it is necessary for him to inflict, and to do them all at one stroke so as not to have to repeat them daily; and thus by not unsettling men he will be able to reassure them, and win them to himself by benefits. He who does otherwise, either from timidity or evil advice, is always compelled to keep the knife in his hand; neither can he rely on his subjects, nor can they attach themselves to him, owing to their continued and repeated wrongs. For injuries ought to be done all at one time, so that, being tasted less, they offend less; benefits ought to be given little by little, so that the flavour of them may last longer."
(from The Prince, 1515)

It's been a long time since 1515 but still those words ring so true today. It is our misfortune to have lived in this macchiavellian era of Philippine history where you cannot even trust the state nor its enemies. This is a time of confusion that is destroying the hope of our youth for a truly just and corrupt-free State. If the future leaders of this country lose hope, then apathy would rule and we would never be able to dig ourselves out of this mudhole we find ourselves in. The Filipino Diaspora would continue to bleed this country dry and we would simply be spiralling downwards... and soon to become a Failed and Collapsed State...

Hell no I hope not!

"Hu the Hell is in China?"

2005-06-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Condi on Bush: "This is how small his winky is..."

Secretary: - Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : - Good, send her in.
Secretary: - Yessir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza: - Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : - Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza : - Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : - Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : - Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : - Well, that's what I want to know.
Condoleeza : - But that's what I'm telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : - Well, that's what I'm asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes.
George B. : - I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The guy in China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : - Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : - Whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza : - I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : - Well, I'm asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : - That's the man's name.
George B. : - That's who's name?
Condoleeza : - Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : - Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : - That's correct.
George B. : - Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.
George B. : - Then who is?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.

(Pause. George crumples paper)

George B. : - Condi, you're starting to piss me off now, and it's not 'cause you're black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don't you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : - Kofi Annan?
George B. : - No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : - You want Kofi?
George B. : - No.
Condoleeza : - You don't want Kofi.
George B. : - No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : - Kofi?
George B. : - Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : - And call who?
George B. : - Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : - No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : - Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Kofi.
George B. : - All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone!

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : - Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : - Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don't know...

You Cannot Pass

2005-06-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Hehehehehe....

Online Bullshit # 3: Movie Prop Mixups / Choose Your Own Adventure

2005-06-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

"Lights!... Camera!... ACTION!"

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

More movie prop mixups here!

Choose Your Own Adventure books that didn't make it...

More here!

HEHEHEHE...

Online Bullshit # 2: Ultrachrist!

2005-05-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's a bird, its a plane, it's
ULTRACHRIST!

"I just can't seem to relate to the people of today. There are so many new words to learn, like 'extranet' and 'foofaraw'." What would Jesus do if he returned to Earth and discovered that he was wildly out of touch with today's youth? In Ultrachrist!, he dons a Spandex costume and goes out into the streets of New York City to fight sin wherever it rears its ugly head.

Can Ultrachrist come to terms with his human side and lead mankind to salvation? In the words of his Father: "I've had this terrible vision! You go forward as Ultrachrist, but end up wagering your soul to Satan. The rest of the prophecy is too weird to go into . . ."But it's just another day in the life of Ultrachrist!

God help me! Now I've posted TWO entries lambasting organized religion! "BLASPHEMY! BLASPHEMY!"... But before you raise hell (pun intended), ask yourself first: What if this was a film lampooning a fat, flatulent Buddha or a film with Mr. Bean as an Islamic terrorist titled "Bean Laden"? Or the "Three Stooges" named Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva? Would you find it more acceptable perhaps? Even downright funny?

Admittedly though, this film IS stupid and I've never seen it. Frankly, I think its not worth philosophizing on. Just have a laugh people... :D

The Reel and Real Frank Serpico

2005-05-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

'The problem is that the atmosphere does not yet exist in which honest police officers can act without fear of ridicule or reprisal from fellow officers.'
—Frank Serpico, testifying before the New York Knapp Commission on police corruption and other misconduct, October 1971
'The fight for justice against corruption is never easy. It never has been and never will be. It exacts a toll on our self, our families, our friends, and especially our children. In the end, I believe, as in my case, the price we pay is well worth holding on to our dignity...'
- Frank Serpico (official website)

Those are the words of Frank Serpico... A man of dignity and integrity. I first knew of Serpico many years ago as a movie starred by Al Pacino of The Godfather fame, and a book by Peter Maas. Being a movie-phile, I knew that Serpico is one of those cult classics that's a must have in any movie-phile's collection... Ever since, having learned much about the real Frank Serpico, I have come to admire the humanity, the honesty and the heroism that he represents... One doesn't need to be a Clark Kent or a Peter Parker to do your share to change society for the better... Behind the celluloid Serpico, we find a real man worthy of admiration more than the 'heroes' we look up to today.

Pacino as Serpico and the real Serpico in front of the Grand Jury

As a police officer for the NYPD for 12 years, Officer Frank "Paco" Serpico served with honesty and integrity in a department in which a man with such character cannot endeavor to exist. It is ironic to find that such values are a rarity, much more so among the officers of the NYPD. But at that time (during the 60's and early 70's), it was the rule. Either from fear of reprisals or simply giving in to greed, any honest officer in the force would eventally be sucked into the corruption that pervades the system. Whether willing or not, they become corrupt...

Then in comes Frank Serpico. An officer so adamantly honest that he earns the distrust of his fellow officers who had fallen into extorting protection money from criminals. Still refusing to 'go with the flow' despite the danger to his life, he goes to higher authorities, yet nothing still seems to get done due to 'political priorities'. These same people rose to positions of power and perhaps are part of the corruption themselves. In desperation, he finally goes to the New York Times and testifies to a grand jury investigation. With this move, he becomes a marked man within his own department. Despite this, Serpico continues to work and is soon placed in mortal danger when his 'partners' intentionally put him in harm's way. Serpico gets shot in the face but miraculously survives.

Frank Serpico was the first police officer in the world who reported and fought against corruption in his own department in a public forum. He went though hell working in an environment where almost everybody hated and wished he would 'go away'. I could not imagine myself living like Serpico did. I might have not accepted any money like he did, but I probably would not step forward to anything like a grand jury to report it. If he were in the Philippine National Police (PNP), Serpico would be signing his death warrant.

What we need is a Serpico in the PNP... Perhaps a thousand Serpicos to clean up the system. If there's even one, God help him... He would need it...

LeGrant's Baby Album

2005-05-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm pleased to announce that LeGrant's Baby Album is now fully functional. It's still a work in progress so check it out from time to time... Is gonna include his cousin Memer's photos as well as Grant's factoids and some other links...

Online Bullshit # 1: Pope Palpatine

2005-05-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

...The journey to the Dark Side is Complete...

"You will pay the price for your lack of vision!"

"Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side! "

"Young fool...Only now, at the end, do you understand..."

"I have no world why..." (Wa ko'y kalibutan ngano...)

2005-05-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

For the Pisay pips, welcome diri sa akong blog... Idle minds are the playground of the devil gyud hehehehe. Sa ato pa, basta bored ug naay internet access, either mag-tanaw ug porn, mag-chat (ala "bloodninja" hehe) download ug movies ug uban pa... In my case lately, himo-himo og blog... Just remember this equation: Govt_employee + 24_hours - freetime=a blog... Hehehe, you might think I'm becoming one of those drones who make this country what it is... When you put the making of this blog in context, then yes... but overall, I'd disagree...

My time serving the Republic of the Philippines is well spent... Lugi pa gani ko kay gamay ug sweldo for the work I do... I call, I write, I cajole, I listen, I travel, I present, I report, I talk, I think, I type, I email, I entertain (not the singing and dancing stuff ha), I spend very long shifts ug uban pa (remember, I DON'T GET PAID OVERTIME.. that bastard Glorious Macatagal Array-you!) for my job. Come to think of it, I've paid my debt to Pisay and UP by serving this country.

But enough of that (for a while at least)... for Mark D. JRN ug uban pa na kahibalo. I need your comments/suggestions for the improvement of this blog, design-wise, links ug maski unsa pa. I'd appreciate it. :) Self-edit lang ra ba jud ni. kinahanglan nako inyong expert advice hehe... problema gani kay walay photoshop diri, muhimo unta kog my own graphics for the header... Gusto unta nako transparent and background anang "Japtman's Neural Net" na banner... Could you help me out people? Any suggestions, tips or websites like flamingtext.com (diha nako gihimo ang banner)? The links don't work yet so pasensya muna.

Wait a minute... what's the subject of this post? I forgot... I have no world why....

One more thing... REVENGE OF THE SITH!!! AAAAAWWWRRRIGHTTTT! hehehe!!

Grant and Memer

2005-05-17T01:28:00.000-07:00

Hehehe.. lingaw man sad diay ning mag-edit-edit og HTML script noh? Pasensya na lang usa kay wala pa man gud ni nahuman akong pag-edit mao pangit pa ning site. The link to Eina and Baby Grant is not yet up... Asta tong Magbinisaya ta Pre. Check na lang later okei? OKEY!!!! Anyway, I'm planning to put both LeGrant and Elmer Jr. pics here in a separate link para oks na oks.. Sensya na sa dili kasabot ug binisaya... Looy mo dili mo trilingual hehehe... :D Here are some pics of Grant and his pinsan Memer...

Sus ang amahan ngisi-ngisi jud!

Ngisi sad ang gamayng bata!

"Haaaay kalami sa kinabuhi!"

Memer: Ikaw ra diay tulog Grant? Ako sad...

Spiderbaby!

Episode III - Six days to go!!!

2005-05-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

"Lord Vader..."

"******** (Heavy breathing)**********" Yes, master?

"Rise.."

Man, oh man! 6 days to go before the final installment of the franchise that made the geek out of me (and so many others) since... forever! Critics (most of them anyway) say ROTS does NOT suck... I hope it doesn't! Lucas, you SOB! I hope you make it good this time!!!! WE DEMAND IT!

It kinda makes me sad though. This film marks the end of an era, the era of my childhood where like Han and Chewie, I was gallivanting around the galaxy far far away (only in my mind though). I only wish we could erase those stupid previous episodes.. Midichlorians, bah!!!

Please God let it not suck big time....

Hallerrrr

2005-04-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

Hallerrrr...

Well, no better way than to start this stuff up with a hallerrr right? :) Boredom is the one hell of a mother. Like this blog for example. Born out of a bored-out-of-my-wits time when theres nothing to do at work in this gov't. office where I work. "WTF!" You'd say right? "Whacha mean nothing to do at work??? You work for the FRICKIN' Republic of the Phillipines, you wanker! You're contributing to the sinkhole that this country is becoming!" I'd both agree and disagree with you....

In the course of the life of this blog, I'll elaborate why I both agree and disagree... I describe myself in this job as a Man Friday with IT skills hehehe... Click if you don't know what a man-friday means. Daniel Defoe's Robinson Crusoe is a must read)

Ranting and musings are always therapeutic. Since I can't (and don''t) rant to the people I meet everyday (except my dear Mon Cheri, Lareina, my dear wifey and some friends), Its better to pour them on here...

So, welcome to the world, blog!